


You’re the Gift

by sweetpeapoppy



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28075686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetpeapoppy/pseuds/sweetpeapoppy
Summary: He could barely contain the laughter as the first few seconds of the video played, the three presenters dressed up in Christmas jumpers, miming along to a jazzed up version of the best Christmas song. Ever.
Relationships: Fernando Alonso/Mark Webber
Kudos: 12





	You’re the Gift

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the Channel 4 end of season music video with Mark, DC, and Steve Jones

He could barely contain the laughter as the first few seconds of the video played, the three presenters dressed up in Christmas jumpers, miming along to a jazzed up version of _the_ best Christmas song. Ever. It should have been something more traditional, something from his childhood, something his parents didn’t race to switch off. But he adored it, even though by the end of the song he was desperately sad, mixed up in leftover feelings from watching Love Actually far too much, and memories from missing that one chance.

As the well choreographed, but less than perfectly executed dancing went on, he focused on the still extremely chiselled man. That jawline still did things to him, still made him weak at the knees, still made him...made him think a lot of things. But what caught his eye were the words on the jumper he wore, ‘I’m the gift’, and he agreed, he was the best gift he could ever wish for at Christmas.

“Hey, we’re going to do some photos.” 

“Okay.” Pocketing his phone, he readjusted the Ricciardo smile face mask and walked back out into the paddock. Choosing to keep his spirits lifted, and a smile on his face beneath the fabric one over the top, he was coming home to Formula One next year

—

“What’s up Saxon?” His ears pricked up suddenly as he lifted his head off of his lap, but soon settled back down again. Scrubbing his fingers over his head and behind his ears, he sunk back into his sofa and tried to watch the one Christmas film he knew would match his mood. It wasn’t as if he was in a bad mood, but he was feeling a little down with the prospect of another Christmas alone, it all felt a bit more pertinent this year, a bit more stark.

So fixing his gaze at his television on the wall, he watched the British Prime Minister slowly realise he was in love, but not slowly enough to miss his chance altogether, like he did. His sister had told him to stop watching it, to bin the DVD and somehow block it from showing on his television, and he knew she was right, but he tortured himself anyway.

At least he had his dogs, their unfailing love was what kept him together at his lowest points, and made him hopeful when things were bright. The only thing they couldn’t do was actively take the remote out of his hand, or turn the television off, or knock some sense into his when his mind drifted off to that evening several years ago.

“Oof, I’m alright boys.” Rubbing his face dry of tears, he reached for the almost finished glass of red wine he left just in reach. Sipping at for a moment, he tipped his head back and finished it off, the tannins clearing his mind for a moment. “I’m alright. I’m alright.” Setting the empty glass down, he shut his eyes to the credits, resting his head against the back of the sofa to wait for the motivation to get up, but his phone got there first.

“I bet you’ve just bloody watched it, haven’t you?”

“Yeah.” There was no point lying to his sister. “How did you know it was on anyway.”

“Always check the UK listing mate, it’s Christmas, it’s the end of the season. He’s on your mind.” She was kind with him, keeping her voice soft because teasing her little brother about it wasn’t something she ever did about him. Anything else was fair game, but he wasn’t, and doubted he ever would be. “I just wanted to check in and see if you were okay.”

“Mm, he’s back on the grid next year.”

“Another reason I was calling.” A couple of years ago she was convinced him leaving Formula One would spark something, a final last gasp. Her brother leaving almost did it, it pushed them to admit a few things he never told her about but she knew had happened.

“It’ll be fine, just like before.” He knew he was lying, he knew she would hear it too, the words sounded false in his head before he spoke them aloud. “I’ll figure it out.”

“I’m sure you will, don’t let DC make fun of you.” It was the first time he’d called in tears to the point she considered getting on a plane and rescuing him, David had found out about his crush and was teasing him mercifully about it, and he was stoic about it until the end of the 2018 season and he was leaving McLaren. One comment about him never coming back, and it being the last showing of the great driver, and her brother was on the verge, then the end of the season party added alcohol into the mix and looser lips followed.

“Think he learned his lesson.” David ended up saying the absolute wrong thing and had him bawling his eyes out, there was a screaming match before he took his phone off of him and called his sister. He didn’t dare speak to her, and just pressed the phone to ear before escaping to the next morning. They’d never spoken about it since, and David had never uttered his name again outside of a professional setting. The worst thing was that he knew David remembered what he’d said, and all he could remember was screaming his name.

With a shudder he refocused on his sister and revelled in hearing about what she was doing, and how the kids were. It took the sting out of his loneliness to imagine them all enjoying the summer even if he wasn’t there, their laughter was incredible, even though they were grown.

“Once this vaccine does it’s job, you come home, you come home and spend some time relaxing properly. Bring the dogs too.” She knew the whole family would love him to come home properly, but even with the heartache, she knew he wasn’t ready to leave Europe yet, he wasn’t ready to close the door completely.

He smiled broadly to himself, he knew they all wanted him to move home, they never said, and he knew they never would dream of saying it. But he knew, and in the middle of the night when he woke, he would think about what it would be like, if it would feel like failure, or it would make him feel worse. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For calling.” A huge wave of emotion crashed over him that he wasn’t prepared for, and he couldn’t cry down the phone again. “I will come and visit as soon as I can.”

She heard the wobble in his voice, but could tell he didn’t want to talk about it, he rarely did. “And I’ll be at the airport picking you up.” She knew he’d probably have some fancy Porsche hire car to take photos of, but she always liked to offer.

“I’d really love that.” Mum and dad would be too much, but his big sister waiting for him in arrivals would be incredible.

“Ah, all sorted then.” She was already mentally booking the time off to enjoy it properly, even though her little brother was a world famous racing driver, he was no different to every other younger sibling in the world. He needed looking after, no matter how old he got. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” He couldn’t hang up just yet, he just needed a few more moments of connection, even if they were in silence. “Love you.” Putting the phone down, he let the warmth of it stay in his hand for a minute. “Okay, I need to get you boys walked.” It was the pick me up he needed, just enough to get himself off the sofa and into action. He shouldn’t have watched the damn film.

—

“Nice to have you in the booth for the last race of 2021 Marky boy.”

“Good to be here DC, it’s been an interesting season, and it’s been good to have some fans in the stands this year.” He settled into the commentary seat and prepared himself for the race, he would just be chipping in every now and then, but still he had to concentrate.

“I know Abu Dhabi doesn’t usually provide us with the most exciting races, but I don’t know, I have a feeling.”

“DC, don’t be getting our viewers' hopes up.” Alex joked as the engines roared into life for the formation lap. “We can’t have a great season and a great finale, Lewis wrapped up the title earlier than ever before.” Even though he had, every race seemed to spring a surprise on everyone, from shock retirements, to endless seat swapping.

“Well said Alex.” He smirked as DC dramatically pouted.

He watched the race unfold, in typically unsurprising fashion for the race track, cars following each other unable to overtake, track limit warning flashing up every other lap, but Alex and DC were doing a great job in keeping things entertaining for when the viewers could tune in a few hours later.

“Right, I better be heading off, shame to miss these last few laps, but I need to get ready to interview the top three.” He’d done it a couple of times through the mammoth length season, and was wondering what on earth was he going to ask them. Jogging down the stairs he racked his brains for a clever way to talk about a seriously boring race, deciding to focus on the regulation changes for next year, he listened to the cars circulate until he found his spot in the paddock and could see a screen. “Uh?”

Staring at the television he tried to take in the drastic changes in the order. ‘What the hell?” He muttered under his breath, both the Mercedes were out, dropping down the order slowly as cars untapped themselves. Grabbing for his phone he furiously texted DC, asking for help, some sort of indication as to what had happened.

MERC take out.   
BOT fault.   
CRAZY.   
RIC dive VER for LEAD!   
ALO P2 from NOWHERE.   
FERRARI fighting.  
LAST LAP NORRIS

As he took in the flurry of messages, Mark was glancing at the screen and seeing each line make sense, typical he had to miss the only action of the race. But at least he was going to have something to talk about. Turning his Channel 4 earpiece back up he took in the last few frantic words from Alex as he called the winner of the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix.

Waiting for the drivers to extract themselves from their cars, celebrate with their team and get weighed, he could barely stand still, shifting from foot to foot anticipating the appearance of the man he had successfully avoided all season long. Channel 4 wanted them to do an interview, but he carefully side-stepped it and left it to Lee to do. He didn’t want to be close to him, he didn’t want to get mixed up in feeling he shouldn’t be having any more, the time had passed, the chance had gone.

“Max, P3 at the end of a superior season for you, not the result we expected to see after most of that race.”

“No!” Max grinned, as soon as he saw Valtteri make the move on Lewis, he was poised to take the lead, but Daniel had swooped in and taken him by surprise. “Not at all, but to finish the season P2 overall will make up for it a little.”

“Yeah, it was tight between you and Valtteri all year, but I think this has been your most consistent season to date, you’ve always been there nipping at their heels, never letting them rest.”

“It was my plan all along, and Sergio this year has definitely helped, the team deserved this result, now we get to celebrate.” Waving to the fans, Max took a deep breath and hoped his result was enough for everyone.

“Fernando, what a way to finish off your first year back in Formula One.” Try as he might, he couldn’t stop his mouth from drying up. He was sweaty, race overalls soaked through, clinging to him...giving himself an internal shake, he channelled all the professionalism within him to continue.

“Is all planned Mark!” He was just grateful to be close to him again. “Is good to fight near the front, for podiums and points, is what I’m made for.” The way Mark smiled at him, unseen by the cameras, unseen by anyone else made him melt a little, it was soft, just like the smiles he used to see after a race, good or bad. To him it felt like Mark was proud of him whatever his result was.

“You’ve got a lot to be proud of, it’s not easy for us old boys to make a comeback.”

“Ah, am not as old as you! But am sure any team would want you back.”

Oh it was all so easy, Mark thought. “No chance my arse would get in a car now, been enjoying my retirement properly,” Mark laughed.

“Hmm, I think you still could.” He was sure he could have stopped his eyes from dropping, or his head from tilting to try and see, but Fernando was enjoying himself too much, he was on a podium again, and Mark was talking to him.

“‘Skuse me gentlemen, room for a race winner?” Daniel had been watching them back and forth like they used to, maybe they had patched things up, or were starting to.

Hearing Daniel’s voice boom out thankfully broke the moment and allowed Mark to gather his thoughts, laughing he waved a bouncing Daniel in. And he was actually bouncing. Waving to Fernando as he left, Mark tried so desperately not to get silly over the way he smiled at him, but his heart raced nonetheless.

“Daniel, about time we heard the Aussie National Anthem again.”

“Couldn’t agree more! Ahhhhhh, it feels so good, so f...funky.” He watched Mark’s eyes go comically big as he almost slipped up, but he felt like he could actually explode with how great it felt to be winning again. It didn’t matter about the Mercedes, they screwed up their own race, and Max was so caught up in the win he never saw the Honey Badger coming. ‘Never underestimate the Honey Badger.”

Mark couldn’t help but get caught up in Daniel’s joy, he was pretty infectious most of the time, but this was on another level. It wasn’t just the win, it was the validation that he was right to leave Red Bull, that he was right full stop. “You’re right there, and with the regulation changes next year, and a huge investment into McLaren, do you think you and Lando can mount a serious challenge on some titles?”

“Well it’s about damn time we showed Mercedes they can’t win it all, all the time!”

Watching him bounce off, he couldn’t help but laugh, he really was a different type of driver, no way he could have gotten away with behaving like that in his day. But he was glad things were changing, and seemingly for the better.

—

“Cheers!” Clinking his bottle of beer against the rest of the team around the table, he sat back in his chair to sip at the cool liquid. It was just going to be the one drink, just something to toast the end of the long season, a way for the team to say goodbye for the off-season together.

As they chatted about getting back to their families, all their phones pinged, the chorus of beeps, whistles, and chirps only meant one thing. And it was big.

“Christ, Mercedes didn’t wait long did they? Bottas out, Russell in.” David declared over the increasing rabble of noise of all the other journalists getting the news in the hotel bar.

“About time though, after Sakhir, they should have put him in for this season.” Sipping at his bottle again, he looked around the bar and saw everyone tapping away furiously on their phones. He wasn’t going to bother, he’d seen George earlier on and shook his hand, they all knew what was coming.

Keeping an eye on the time, he faded in and out of the conversation, instead he was happy to let his gaze wander over the people milling about around them. He wasn’t expecting to see any of the drivers, but he knew his hair, the colour, the way it waved around his face. He was fool. “I’ll be right back.” He was a huge fool. “Fernando.”

“Hola, am going to my room.”

“Oh, okay.” He had spent the few steps to get to Fernando remembering what he wanted to say to him if he ever plucked up the courage to speak to him. But what Fernando announced completely took the wind out of him. “I’ll let you get on.”

“No, you come with me. Is okay.” There was no way he was going to have an audience now he finally had Mark talking to him. He had tried to engineer ways to spend time together, he volunteered and agreed every time Channel 4 wanted an interview, but Mark never did it. When they were on the grid, he walked right past him slowly to be caught, but Lewis had to walk past at the exact same time.

There was a sizeable crowd around the elevator, crew members, media, corporate guests, but there was just enough room for the pair of them to squeeze in. “What floor are you on?” 

“Uh, am not staying here, was just seeing…” Not wanting anyone to listen in any further, Fernando gave Mark’s hand the briefest squeeze.

“Uh, okay.” Mark was totally unsure what to say now, so he waited until the elevator emptied out at the top floor before risking another word. “We can go to my room?” Getting a nod, Mark pressed the button for his floor and took the rest of the ride in silence. 

It was when he slipped his room card out of his wallet that the first hit of nostalgia reached him, empty corridor, nervous energy, unsaid words. It was 2010 all over again. “Been over ten years.”

“I know this.” Running hand up Mark’s back, he was a little sad to see him walk away from his touch. “Has been so long since we know each other.” Fernando believed there was always something between them, a spark, from the first time they met.

Mark smiled warmly at the memory of their first meeting. “The tiny Spanish lion,” he sighed happily. “My Spanish lion.” Sitting on the end of the huge bed he had for the weekend, he let himself think about the last time they shared a hotel room.

“Mark.” Losing control over his voice, Fernando’s broke over his name, it was the fondness in the way Mark said one of his nicknames. Trying again, he walked over to him, waiting to see if he could stay close.

“Come on, sit.” Patting the space to the left of him, Mark enjoying the happiness in Fernando’s body language, and how close he got to him. “Been a while since we did this.”

“Mm, I think too long.” He opened his mouth to ask Mark if he felt the same, but couldn’t get the words out, he didn’t want to expose himself too soon. Not without getting a better grasp on how Mark was feeling.

There was a question left hanging in the air that Mark wanted to answer. “I do too, it’s just how things were left.” Exhaling noisily, Mark waited for action, was Fernando going to leave, make fun of him, or somehow agree.

“Agh, I wanted to do, say so many things that last time, but you said it was the last time, so I do not want to complicate.”

“I thought you said it was the last time, that it was the last chance.”

“It felt like it you know, I was going to say so much more. It was our last chance to say how we feel.” He had been lying in bed, and Mark was sat on the edge with his head in his hands after barely saying a word all night.

“It was?” Mark was overcome with heartbreak, he should have sat with his beer like a normal person then gone to bed to wait for his flight.

“I think it was, when I thought it was, but I think is last time in Formula One, but it has my heart again. So I was wrong, so I am wrong about us, is not the last time, can never be a last time Mark. Is stupid to think love can just end.” Breathing out, Fernando steeled himself to look at Mark, to see if what he meant came out right, but glancing up from his hands fidgeting in his lap he saw their reflection in the mirror.

The last thing he expected was to hear Fernando laugh quietly beside him after pouring his heart out. ‘Fer?”

“Look at us, we look so perfect together, and we think the chance has gone!” Shaking his head Fernando turned properly, bringing his right leg onto the bed to face Mark’s profile. “We were thinking like racing drivers, go or stop, is more than that in life. Is little bit go, or little bit stop.”

The way Fernando bumbled along was adorable, leaving Mark with a huge smile on his face was he finally looked at the man beside him. “How about some little bit go?”

“Si.” With Mark slipping an arm around his shoulders, Mark pulled him down onto the bed so they lay side by side together for a while.

He enjoyed the peace, the quietness of just hearing them both breathe in sync, in together, out together. The scent of his cologne played with his senses, filling his head as he turned onto his side to put his arm over his stomach. He needed the closeness now, so to test them both he rested his forehead to Fernando’s temple.

Pressing his arm on top of Mark’s to hold on made him feel secure after an intense year. “Mark.” All he wanted to do was to turn his head, but Fernando daren’t risk the fragile state they were in. “Do not leave.”

“Just want to move up, get comfortable.” Slowly they got themselves onto the bed properly, so their whole bodies were resting on top of the sheets. “Come here.” Barely able to bring his voice above a whisper, Mark scooped Fernando into his arms to ground himself with the weight of his body over his.

Positioning himself so he could rest his head on his chest, his leg hitched over and between Mark’s leg, was just like old times, and it still felt so natural. It was pure muscle memory. ‘Feel so good.”

“Surprised you could get your leg over, put on so much weight,” Mark chuckled quietly, patting his stomach as he did so.

“Not so much, and it looks good on you. Were always too skinny.” Feeling and hearing Mark laugh underneath him made him want to hold onto him tighter, he was being transported back to 2010. Same hotel, same track, same man. “Is better than 2010.”

“Definitely.” They were both wrecked back then, done in by a season where one of them could have won it but neither of them did. As soon as Korea put an end to his chances, Mark wanted Fernando to win above his own team, even if it was never meant to be. “After that season it was just what we needed.” They were friends anyway, but in the face of such intense competition they grew ever closer, close enough to share a bed, to hold hands in private, to lay face to face…

“Is what I always need.” Tipping his head back in an act of bravery, Fernando tried to gauge Mark’s reaction to the words he had been wanting to say for years. He had missed Mark dreadfully, the brief snatches of him he got over the years since he left Formula One was never enough, it could never be enough.

Looking down at Fernando’s face, the openness of his expression, how earnest his need for an answer was, he made it all so easy. Moving his hand to cradle the back of Fernando’s head, he pushed his fingers into his hair as he brushed their lips together. The catch of Fernando’s breath strummed through Mark as he deepened the kiss, teasing his lips with his tongue and with Fernando’s gentle wriggling against him Mark couldn’t keep the moan inside.

As Mark played with his hair, Fernando could feel tingles where his fingers were pressed to his head, so he reached up to cup Mark’s cheek in the way he liked. He hoped he still liked it. And the way his body moved towards him, the way his arm held him tighter told him everything. “Mark.”

The way he softly rolled the _R_ of his name was heaven, the the secret, private moments they had shared in hotel rooms all over the world were manifesting right before him. “Say my name again.”

“Mark.” He lay his accent on a little thicker, just a touch more because he knew Mark loved it, one of the many things he whispered when he thought he was asleep. There had been so many things Mark had told him as he curled up beside him, or was being spooned by him. He just wished he would say them and know he heard.

They lay together quietly for a while, face to face they held hands, lacing their fingers together they kept it in sight between them. Happy to simply share the time together instead of rushing to back where they were before. Mark knew Fernando was going to fall asleep first, and he preferred it being honest with himself, he liked knowing that he was comfortable and feeling safe enough to drift off. So with the lights turned off, the lights from the post race celebrations breaking through from around the curtains, were just enough to illuminate the edges of his face.

“We could have had so many years together Nano.”

“Is okay to say you know, do not need to wait for me to be asleep.”

‘Um.” Mark’s face flashed hot at the implications of what Fernando had just said, he purposely waited until he was asleep before pouring his heart out to avoid judgement.

‘Is okay, I always hear these things you say, are so beautiful to me.” Cosying up to Mark, he made sure to get right into the crook of his arm. “But do not stop, never stop.” For a moment Fernando wondered if he had ruined things, but as he closed his eyes Mark began whispering the sweetest words to him.


End file.
